atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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