1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
