This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
