And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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