I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
