you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
