Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
