Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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