I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
