we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize