We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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