Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
