Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(435): View more from Utah

it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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(520): View more from Arizona

The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

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(410): View more from Maryland

So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

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(850): View more from Florida

I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.

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(478): View more from Georgia

Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners

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(703): View more from Virginia

Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up

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(845): View more from New York

Did you make it home alright?

(1-845): View more from New York

No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.

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