Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
