Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
