Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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