do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
