Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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