I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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