Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
