shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
