i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
