My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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