I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
