Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
as a side note pls kill me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
