I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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