There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
