it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
