highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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