she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Of course I have a pirate flag
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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