This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
