She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
