my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
time to smoke my breakfast
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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