I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
