how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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