ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
