New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
