You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
