well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
