The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
