What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found puke in my bra..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
