I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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