i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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