My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
