I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
