That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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