Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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