There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
