tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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