I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
