dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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