So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's never too late to be topless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
