If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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