Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
