i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How external is "for external use only"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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